Disabling Ableism - 1 min read

 "What went wrong with you?”

And that is how strangers often start a conversation with me. How do I usually respond? With a broad smile and “It’s a long story.”

There is a type of discrimination that goes unnoticed – ableism. Though I vaguely recognized the term I never paid attention to its meaning. It is a bias – a presumption, and discrimination towards people living with disabilities. It suggests that “typical abilities” are superior and marginalize individuals with disabilities; limiting access to certain rights and basic human needs.

 Ableism is often overlooked and goes unchallenged because of its deep-rootedness. These days it may not appear in regular conversations or actions but surfaces with subtle messages of “no way, do not include”, “don’t mind, but not you”; and “stay in the background please, the stage is not yours”. 

 

When we unpack the word “disability” it immediately brings to mind people with noticeable

physical conditions. It is a condition that causes difficulty for a person to do certain activities or have equitable access in society. The sentiment that the disabled deserve pity but need not be seen or heard makes disability a bad thing. It is something to be set right for someone to be acceptable.

 

As a child, people stared at me as though I was an alien. Some pitied me while others had grave concerns about my future. A harmless jibe, often unintentional, that dismisses someone with a disability is an obvious form of ableism. Insensitive and unkind, ableism begins with the failure to acknowledge that the disabled exist regardless of their condition.

 

Here are the kinds of ableism I have experienced. The list is not exhaustive, but it captures the basics.

 

1. I was conditioned to believe that people with disabilities have less value and worth

 

2. While a cure or relief from pain would have been awesome, constantly assuming that I need to be “healed” or “can overcome” was and is unnecessary.

 

3. Suggesting that I am “inspirational” for handling routine activities and daily tasks.

 

4. Speculating about my “limited” life and presuming I can’t do much.

 

5. Suggesting that I am “less normal” and “less healthy”!!

 

6. Being asked extremely "intrusive questions" about my personal life.

 

7. Letting my crooked foot decide my "professional competence."

 

Some of us need adjustments and accommodation in everyday life; but here’s something to consider- if wearing glasses, braces, and even false eyelashes is deemed acceptable; normalize funny shoes and hearing aids. 

 

For most of us living with a disability, the challenge itself has far fewer consequences on the quality of our lives than all the discrimination we face. Pitying and making assumptions about our lives and abilities won’t help. Challenging the assumptions can help us replace them with inclusivity, acceptance, and respect.

 

So recognize that people with disabilities are, in fact, people — equal to nondisabled people in every way and worthy of the same respect. This makes a good first step toward preventing ableism. It may sound too basic but the main factor driving ableism is the thought that people with disabilities are somehow “less.”

 

Although ableism is woven into the fabric of society, it’s possible to mend the pattern and create a more inclusive future. Ableism must be ended by calling it out just like other forms of discrimination. Voice your concerns and challenge them instead of merely trying to fix the disabled.

 Images are sourced from Google and are subject to copyright.

Tugging the World Around : 1 min read

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle once said: “The little things are infinitely the most important.”

A significant advantage of travel is experiencing books come alive. On our trip to Lakshwadeep in 2018, I witnessed the strength of Tugboats that I had only read about.

Tugboats1 are small boats designed to guide large ships and manoeuvre them towards the port by pulling and pushing the vessels in position.2 Their double-powered engines create huge torque to run the propellers and generate massive pulling power. 

Large ships can sail in deep waters but struggle in the shallow, unable to stop, slow down or turn as the water is insufficient to facilitate quick movement of the rudders. 

At this point the tugboat, small, potent and just enough swirls into action, powerfully taking control.

Often many of us may feel like the small tugboat; always pushing or pulling a greater cause.

What crosses our minds in those times? Do we feel unworthy or not enough? 

Away from the depths of the sea, saturated in shallow waters, are we tugboats?

Tugboats may look unassuming but are confident of their assignment. While ships set sail into the high seas, remember the tugboats wait their turn to manoeuvre them into their designated berths at ports. Without them, the ships cannot anchor, break the momentum, or move out from the shallow.

The insignificant is often the most impactful in moving the world around.

 

Unlearning to Relearn! - 2 min read

Unlearning can be a powerful tool for transformation and growth!

Often we cling to the same thoughts and beliefs that create our habits; even when they no longer serve our purposes. Unlearning is the process of letting go of such practices.  As we unlearn, we begin to discard our past ways to discover new paths. A heightened sense of awareness allows us to recognize when we’re stuck and propels us forward.

 Here are 7 unlearning I have embraced:

1.         Perfectionism is overrated

There are many things we may like doing but lack expertise in. Similarly, I enjoy embroidery but someone commented - “hardly looks like embroidery". I stopped immediately till I began missing it. I resumed when I realised enjoying the process was more important than achieving excellence.

 2.          Negative self-talk

In an environment of perpetual “you can’t”, and “you should not”, it was easy to talk myself into being in my comfort zone. I lost opportunities and settled for a lot lesser than I deserved. Good friends, family and mentors helped me come out of this shell to hush those voices.

At almost 50 I have taken up academics on two platforms to equip myself for being gainfully engaged post-retirement. Today I am confident in saying – “yes, I can; why not?”

 3.          Unhealthy attachments

Diverse people and environments fascinate me and I build connections easily. This got me attached to a variety of individuals. While some of these exchanges have created beautiful associations; others have drained me emotionally and a few brought much pain.

I unlearnt the need to continue with such associations and accepted the need to detach from such interactions. I have set boundaries that keep me happy and healthy.

 4.        Constant busyness

In our fast-paced world, we are often caught by constant productivity. I found taking breaks to replenish and recharge was acceptable. I don’t need to perform continuously.  An idle mind can be the devil's workshop or it can be the cradle of creativity. The choice is mine.

 5.         Forget the crowd

FOMO is passé; try JOMO – the joy of missing out. Most people, who follow the crowd, don't know what they are doing; you don’t have to add to the number.

6.          Beyond the Popularity game

I have found myself gasping at the “popularity trap”. The perceived lack of which underestimates a truly trustworthy and constant approach. I choose the latter and would rather remain reliable than be captured by short-lived admiration.

7.         Always Happy is a myth

           Once in a while, it is alright to be sad. It allows us to savour our joys. 

While happiness depends on our feelings, joy comes from within. If we are always happy, we might miss opportunities to improve ourselves or engage in some of the most meaningful endeavours of our lives.

Unlearning increases our flexibility and resilience; enabling us to better handle life’s challenges. The process simply nudges us to throw away our security blankets and feel the warmth of a different kind.

Happily unlearning to relearn!!