Monday, 11 May 2020

BOIS LOCKER ROOM : WHO'S FAULT IS IT; ANYWAY? - 4 min read



Lockdown and Locker Rooms

          The recent Bois Locker Room incident clearly points to the amount of denial we are living through.  The primary points of influence for our children are home, educational and religious/moral institutions while friends, peer groups, digital world and the likes would be the second level.  However, it is out in the open for us to acknowledge what we have allowed our children to depend on.  Are we missing the mark in giving our future generation a robust understanding of what lies within?

           Volunteering with a campaign for child sexual abuse, ABK[1] has given me a deeper understanding and knowledge to handle this.  Blocking sites, chiding the offenders and hushing up incidents as “regular occurrence”/“common these day’s” /“happening all the time” will not serve the purpose.
         
                  As adults weave through the new norms of work, home and different survival concerns today, children/teenagers having gained an abrupt compulsory access to gadgets and digital world are battling with a silent dilemma.  There is a whole new world that has reached their palms and desk’s that was perhaps restricted to few or watched in huddles away from adult supervision.

          Society has largely been oblivious to the transformation in children that alter much during puberty; the victims of this stupor are our children.  However, a recent surge of girls surfacing in a domain largely believed to be dominated by males, indicate our failure of proper guidance.  This has got little to do with gender and more about inadequate perception of the future consequences.  It either makes them perpetrators or victims.  As parents, teachers, educators and influencer’s we need to question our role.  Have we directly or indirectly pushed them into this quandary?

        
                As a mother, corporate professional, volunteer worker and mentor in my circles of influence I have tried my best firstly by talking to my children; holding voluntary sessions and requesting Housing Complex Committees, Educational, Religious and Business institutions to facilitate these learnings.  However, it is disappointing to mention that most parents’ still feel “there is no need to put things into their head”; schools are contented with the “Good Touch Bad Touch” sessions and religious/moral institutions are blissfully keeping the male-female divide subtly disallowing close free mingling of the two genders in the name of respecting diverse cultures.  As for corporate's, business houses and the likes, settle on "what's in it for me"?

          We fail to understand the consequences of such dismissal.  These children once thrown into universal spaces like college, work and beyond have already lost or damaged the compass that navigates their ship.  Eager to live out pent up fantasies they may embark to experiment, based on their misplaced valor and demand for thrill.

          Parents, educators and influencers, do remove the blinkers and look around; it could be too late if there’s danger lurking around your safe haven.  Unfortunately, the signs may not show up early and often ever.  Look out for the bully or a tentative child, both could be victims and sometimes an ally.  Not all children who suffer abuse will be an abuser or choose sexual harassment.  They may become manipulative; observers and mockers of victims and cohorts of offenders.  The craving to overpower can birth a bully or bad team player.  Often may not be as serious as sexual harassment that leads to hashtag movements.  It may be a superior exerting unreasonable work pressure; a teacher who deliberately shames a student a Chef who seduces another team mate; and much more. 


          Every abused or abuser may not gang rape yet even any one of the above is a violation of human dignity that is definitely unwelcome.  The past will follow into their future and we will be left wondering, did I have a role?






[1] Aao Baat Karein  - A Campaign that works for eradicating child sexual abuse


Sunday, 10 May 2020

SHIFTING PARADIGMS THROUGH A PANDEMIC : PART 4 - 6 mins read



Unravel Contentment in Confinement


            As we reflect on our actions, driven by different belief systems; the message to disengage from chaos has resonated all across the globe.  The world resembles a screen, buffering due to a broken internet link.  Who paused the button?
            Was it our miserable civilization?  Nothing was undone this way in a very long time.  Death, hunger, homelessness, diseases and bad sanitation, they all existed; civil wars, ethnic cleansing's, communal riots and more.  Yet we continued in our safe zones, feeling / thinking ‘as long as it doesn’t touch me, am fine to selfishly live for myself.’  Was it really just Covid19?  How did a minuscule virus bring so much disruption?  Simple!  It established power over our deeds to invade every space and divide in society; the rich, poor, young, old, able, disabled, slum dwellers and high-risers.  Seems, none in the recent times could unite as much as it did against the virus, even if it be temporarily.
            Suddenly we are kinder, tolerant, and more inclusive.  This time, death has crossed all barriers, status, border and threshold.  It has conquered communities and religion.  For once we are ALL in it together.  It is also my problem; no longer escalating another’s disadvantage to prove myself better; no ridiculing a coworker's weak immunity; no time to suppress with power or overlook talent that is visibly outstanding since “he doesn’t impress ME”.  It isn’t about influence, university degree or aptitude; not event designation’s or paycheques; nor designer clothes and plush homes.  It’s not the extravagant holidays, latest gadgets, costly ornaments and high-end vehicles.  There is no time to judge or play foul hoping to get to the fore.  The road ahead isn’t narrow, we cannot walk alone.  It is wide dotted with hurdles and no horizon in sight.  We can look down only to rescue and look up in need of support.  Clasping our hands together we must collectively create a garland around the earth for greeting it back to health.
    These are strange days; we are powerless to foresee long-term impact and unable to handle "the now".  We are unsure when this will halt or end, as pandemics are events, not trends.  In introspection, I stumbled upon some thoughts that I otherwise may have overlooked.
        
The Three E's that Empower to Engage

            Despite our differences, we are all in this together.  The voices who divide our world into warring tribes do us a disservice.  However, saying together, we must also plaster the wounds that divide our togetherness hoping to put the momentary dressing at least if not heal completely.  Sitting cosy in our living rooms with “work from home” we realize there are groups of people who have neither work nor home.  For every food story and insta hashtag, there are millions of hungry mouths.  We are tired of indoors; they are tired to have no doors.  The only victims of the pandemic in reality; it’s either the disease or hunger.  Like the devil and the deep blue sea.
            “Are they crazy”, I mutter while watching the news.  The images of a father searching for medicine, a blind beggar an orphan child, migrant labourers and daily wagers flash before me.  Not every citizen has access to a smartphone.  Should I really criticize if I cannot rally round?  A sense of shared responsibility to solve a common problem is all that is needed.  Some homework, a few calls, emails and online transactions were all that was required.  An army of saviours” who need the ammunition will represent my 3 ‘E’s in the battlefield.  I don’t need to go along.

“Despite all differences, empathy, energy and enthusiasm can empower one to defy and engage despite all inconveniences.”
           


Filling the Treasure Troves
           
          Thank God for families!  Fortunately, for us, spending free time together as a family has never concluded in many catastrophes.  A sea-facing window or a cottage on the hillside would be ideal; nevertheless, our second-floor apartment overlooking generous amounts of green along with my frantic attempts at gardening gave a decent alternative.  This was the moment to adjust our melodies that go out of sync in the mad rush of daily living.  Parties, malls and dining out are minimal so that was not a pain point.  However, no office (truth!), school, church, movies and long drives were disappointing. But, no adda [1] with friends over chai [2] or steaming home-cooked meals.  No puchka’s [3], jhal muri [4], kati rolls [5] and momo’s [6]; now that took time to sink in for a family of foodies.  In short, we missed “our normal”.  Ironic that the best way to contain the crisis of individualistic societies was to ask people to wall themselves in their apartment.  Social distancing is now equivalent to solidarity.
           
       As we watch the pandemic play out, we continually adjust in trivial and monumental ways and also contemplate whether everything should return to “normal.” Consider the ways in which our lives might be altered, perhaps permanently.  Certainly, unsure whether some or all of these will come to pass.  The basic human urge for community experiences, entertainment and sports almost certainly will not fade.  A season of sports like IPL[7], will be curtailed or erased.  Events will be postponed.  We might even learn to cherish more intensely those interactions we took for granted — like a family outing, lunch at Petercat[8], weekly religious services, birthday parties, PTM[9], and kid’s Sport’s day.  It took a while for everyone to realize that we are indeed experiencing what no longer may but will be a life-changing experience on a worldwide scale.  What follows might be dramatically different from what we have experienced to date.

           
       Social distancing meant missing out on regular activities but the trade-off came in recognizing that sacrificing few self-indulgent enjoyments would open the door to more delight.  Not only would we have additional disposable time to ourselves but as a family too; though in it all we miss Sam, very much.  Such unadulterated “we time” of popular family games, talking and laughing while he's away, trimmed much fun off our leisure.  Unanimous agreement on no elaborate food or expensive hobbies; rather filling our time with reading, writing, crafting and simple lessons.  After all, this was not a holiday, rather an unprecedented period that’s taken us off guard; perhaps to re-calibrate our lives.  Yes, we sulk, often disagree and storm into our dedicated corners to cool off the heat but meal times and prayer times find us back in the designated place.
“Therefore, no matter our advancement, or how digitized and urbane we may become; a simple lifestyle sprinkled with unconditional love, concern and respect for each other were what we earnestly chose to savour and fill into our Treasure Troves.”






(To be continued - “Unearth the Possibilities – Unfold your Core”
Images: Courtesy Google Images & Family Archives



[1] Adda in Bengali means chit chat
[2] Chai in Hindi means Tea
[3] Puchka – a popular Kolkata street food
[4] Jhalmuri-puffed rice mixture, another popular Kolkata street food
[5] Kati roll’s are kebab rolls, a popular Kolkata snack, more known for the beef variant
[6] Momo’s - another popular Kolkata snack adapted from Nepali cuisine
[7] Indian Premier League – Cricket Tournament
[8] Old Park Street multi-cuisine restaurant
[9] Parents Teacher Meeting at School