BOIS LOCKER ROOM : WHO'S FAULT IS IT; ANYWAY? - 4 min read

Lockdown and Locker Rooms

          The recent Bois Locker Room incident clearly points to the amount of denial we are living through.  The primary points of influence for our children are home, educational and religious/moral institutions while friends, peer groups, digital world and the likes would be the second level.  However, it is out in the open for us to acknowledge what we have allowed our children to depend on.  Are we missing the mark in giving our future generation a robust understanding of what lies within?

           Volunteering with a campaign for child sexual abuse, ABK[1] has given me a deeper understanding and knowledge to handle this.  Blocking sites, chiding the offenders and hushing up incidents as “regular occurrence”/“common these day’s” /“happening all the time” will not serve the purpose.

         

                  As adults weave through the new norms of work, home and different survival concerns today, children/teenagers having gained an abrupt compulsory access to gadgets and digital world are battling with a silent dilemma.  There is a whole new world that has reached their palms and desk’s that was perhaps restricted to few or watched in huddles away from adult supervision.

          Society has largely been oblivious to the transformation in children that alter much during puberty; the victims of this stupor are our children.  However, a recent surge of girls surfacing in a domain largely believed to be dominated by males, indicate our failure of proper guidance.  This has got little to do with gender and more about inadequate perception of the future consequences.  It either makes them perpetrators or victims.  As parents, teachers, educators and influencer’s we need to question our role.  Have we directly or indirectly pushed them into this quandary?

        

                As a mother, corporate professional, volunteer worker and mentor in my circles of influence I have tried my best firstly by talking to my children; holding voluntary sessions and requesting Housing Complex Committees, Educational, Religious and Business institutions to facilitate these learnings.  However, it is disappointing to mention that most parents’ still feel “there is no need to put things into their head”; schools are contented with the “Good Touch Bad Touch” sessions and religious/moral institutions are blissfully keeping the male-female divide subtly disallowing close free mingling of the two genders in the name of respecting diverse cultures.  As for corporate's, business houses and the likes, settle on "what's in it for me"?

          We fail to understand the consequences of such dismissal.  These children once thrown into universal spaces like college, work and beyond have already lost or damaged the compass that navigates their ship.  Eager to live out pent up fantasies they may embark to experiment, based on their misplaced valor and demand for thrill.

          Parents, educators and influencers, do remove the blinkers and look around; it could be too late if there’s danger lurking around your safe haven.  Unfortunately, the signs may not show up early and often ever.  Look out for the bully or a tentative child, both could be victims and sometimes an ally.  Not all children who suffer abuse will be an abuser or choose sexual harassment.  They may become manipulative; observers and mockers of victims and cohorts of offenders.  The craving to overpower can birth a bully or bad team player.  Often may not be as serious as sexual harassment that leads to hashtag movements.  It may be a superior exerting unreasonable work pressure; a teacher who deliberately shames a student a Chef who seduces another team mate; and much more. 

          Every abused or abuser may not gang rape yet even any one of the above is a violation of human dignity that is definitely unwelcome.  The past will follow into their future and we will be left wondering, did I have a role?

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[1] Aao Baat Karein  - A Campaign that works for eradicating child sexual abuse