Growing with Gratitude - 2 min read

“A grateful heart sees each day as a gift. Thankful people focus less on what they lack and more on the privileges they have.”1

What makes gratitude difficult? Is it the paucity of abundance? Is it materialism, envy, or an innate trait?

The words of Henry Ward Beecher echoed strongly. “A proud man is seldom a grateful man, for he never thinks he gets as much as he deserves.” Pride supersedes self-centeredness, selfishness, and greed; breeding ingratitude. Often our need for admiration and approval stops us from being grateful.

A key lesson in my journey with PTSD has been gratitude. Gratitude impacts mental health by improving depression, anxiety, phobia, trauma, and stress. It can eliminate substance dependence and abuse. I have found the renewed meaning of “thankfulness” and simpler ways to be grateful.

Beauty around me

I am more conscious of the tiny moments in life. A wildflower, the first sunrays, the morning tea made by my hubby, or a dog playing on the pavement. They are all beautiful reminders of a blessed life.

Building relationships

During our morning walks, people often smile at our puppy. We smile back and strike up a conversation. This has helped me find smiling faces everywhere.

Inspiring content

I start and end my days by hearing sermons, hymns and motivational talks. Watching good content opens my mind to positive ideas. Pursuing the good in the world inspires me to add to it.

An act of kindness each day

You can find different things to do or the same daily activity. Caring for our local stray dogs with my entire family gives me joy.

Give

An easy way to experience gratitude is to give. If helping with your finances is difficult, volunteer for organisations that help others. Raise awareness for a cause, mobilise fundraisers; the list is unending. But DO something. And while selecting what to do, choose people who cannot return your deed.

Thank people 

Thank the people who serve you in the community, not just your friends or loved ones. Thank even the people who give you a hard time. They provide priceless lessons!!

Embrace challenges

Instead of seeing roadblocks turn them into opportunities to grow. You can choose between “my bad luck” and “blessing in disguise”. Be thankful for the lesson. During bad times learn from people who stay by your side. And when your time gets better, help people in need. Finding growth opportunities in my mistakes has helped me learn. Which in turn encourages me to help others.

Collect your gratitude

While every day is to be grateful for, there are specific things I want to remember. A box of tiny notes at my work desk is collecting those instances.  Sometimes I also share gratitude through blogs on social media. You never know whom you bless and influence.

Pray

Prayer is a “solemn request for help or expression of thanks addressed to God or another deity”. With the current worldviews, I am cautious and conscious of advocating "religiosity". Yet, I want to stress on the “posture” of prayer according to its meaning. When we pray to anyone higher or greater- we come in humility. And humility is a strong teacher of thankfulness.

The practice of gratitude can give us something we all want - a better world!

Let's begin today.

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[1] https://faithgateway.com/blogs/christian-books/attitude-gratitude/

 

Spike : Leading by Example - 1 min read

It is incredible how much I am learning each day with my pup. And it is not limited to dogs but the interconnections with life in general.

We all enjoy our living space at home, which has been the biggest casualty. Dogs, choose your favourite spot and even become your shadow. Occasionally following you to the restroom and beyond. I am privileged to have the most patient audience for my residual vocal aspirations! Though I pity his ears as they curiously perk up when I hit a high note! Pet parents forget all the corners they had to themselves. Strangely the sacrifice surrounds you with a warmth that is impossible to define.

Dog behaviourists discourage owners from letting them become possessive. I agree. And I have taught Spike likewise. But, I also marvel at his persuasiveness and persistence. A dog has an IQ equal to a human toddler. But they can navigate situations way better than humans. When the bark and jump do not scare us, he will immediately expose his belly in surrender. Even with his brain-to-body ratio of 1:125, he understands better that love conquers all.

Research confirms that dogs experience basic emotions. But they don’t have and will never develop complex ones. Gratitude and guilt belong to the second group. Yet the wagging tail and apologetic bow seem sincerer than words. And those glistening eyes and broad smiles? They are the best expressions of gratefulness I have ever seen.

Spike has taught me the meaning of the phrase be here now. From nervousness before a bath to chasing flies right after he is done, Spike lives every moment. His focus on what happens around him is much lesser than what he puts his mind and energy to. Having mastered carpe diem, he never stays on the periphery of life but lives to the fullest.

Have you ever felt edgy and restless? Well, a dog could teach you a lesson or two. We may find them to be fidgety little beings. But try taking his eyes off his favourite ball or the tastiest treat - you will know patience is the mother of all virtues.

Each time I see this little boy, I am reminded of the idiom, like a dog with two tails. Spike is a happy, curious, and energetic baby. He is a delight at day end and the most difficult to leave behind each morning.

Spike has become an inseparable part of our family. He is our most precious child, a sibling and indeed our best friend. His faithful and loving ways have snuggled deep into our hearts and we can’t live without him.

With his own special Pizza-courtesy Steph

Freedom - As I aspire it to be! - 1 min read

What is freedom? In short 'to act as one pleases'. So what is seventy-five years of freedom to me? Is it a few rights and privileges or the mere choice of action and liberation?

To me, freedom is a privilege and an opportunity to be the best version of me.

A true sense of freedom is my approach to the sentiment rather than the state of my being. It is an assertion of the within as much as of my surroundings. It is the means to conquer the elements of oppression and not my plea to be freed.

To me, freedom is not my ability to break the shackles and barriers but to be able to accept obligatory bindings. It is to understand that the absence of freedom is not oppression. And that not all freedom is liberating.

The word freedom sets my mind soaring. Its visions take shape to create a medley of meaningful melodies. It is to have beliefs that I can ideate and reach fruition. It is to be able to etch a sparkling mosaic of dreams to its destination. It is myriad thoughts that speak to me, ones that I can allow you to read.

Freedom is when my speech is not a sheer statement, empty or bereft of conviction. It is when I articulate to support and uplift. When I whisper judgement yet bellow admiration. Freedom is when my words heal instead of cutting deep. It is the grace to accept defeat or reject victory. Freedom is the knowledge of truth despite the challenge of legitimacy.

Freedom is not allowing me to select my God but to get chosen despite my preference. It is not permission to be different but acceptance irrespective of the diversity. I am free not because I can force the world to have my way but to be able to urge the world to respect the way I am. It is not strength to mould but power to create. Freedom is the generosity to release my claim in exchange for genuine longing.

Freedom is my decision to be rather than what I am sanctioned to be.

#india75years

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Spike - The Family Goofball - 2 min read

"Opening up your life to a dog who needs a home is one of the most fulfilling things you can do."

 

Spike is not a dog, especially for my daughter. He is her brother, period. And for me, a baby who will never grow up!

His little paws and their endless mischief drive us crazy. Almost every night, torn shopping bags to wet wipes, fly across our home. Sometimes he dances with the wastepaper basket and prances away with our clothes. As a baby, he gnawed at my feet, and his tiny teeth marks adorn the sofa. Yet, a moment of his discomfort unsettles my peace. When he stops eating, I lose my appetite.

  As a Pet Parent Spike has taught me some vital lessons:

1.     To “love like no other” all over again. For his biscuits to meals, he holds me with his twinkling eyes. He’s the little heartbeat at my feet. Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job they say. Whether he is running away from food or his “oiyta” (imaginary terror) Spike can get ready for a scratchie instantly.

2.     If you hit the snooze button and dodge exercise; if you advocate method in the madness, you must get a dog. He will teach you “orderliness and discipline.” It could either be by demanding the same routine or by reminding you that a Gucci bag is equal to his dehydrated pig ear. Thankfully labels are nonexistent at home and the most expensive damage has been a Macbook charger.

 

3.     It’s all about “less is more”, and simple waterlog sticks. Dogs have very less need for expensive things. An empty packaged water bottle or a sock is a treasure. Spike loves plastic in any form. Is it for the sound or because it’s prohibited? Forbidden things entice man and dog alike!

 

4.     You heard it, K-I-S-S! Lots of wet kisses when we shower praises. A hint to “keep it short silly”. Dogs love their own fluff and not our fluffy conversations.

Love, discipline, minimalism and brevity. A new meaning in life. Sounds like Frankl’s logotherapy?

It’s DoggoTherapy!

Part 3 - coming soon

HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY : 2 min read

So, Friendship Day it is. Some say it's silly, some label it frivolous, and others find it unnecessary. Yet, I spent time sending these unnecessary wishes.

I chose a few run-of-the-mill broadcasts. Then I stopped at names who deserved more. And looked for customised individual thoughts. I found some on my list who don't exist in my life anymore; they moved on. Some names appear in the summers of life but run at the slightest roar of thunder. I found ones resembling a burst of spring and some dreary as autumn. Some who always remained like a rock and some who shook the very rock I stood upon. Some are my heroes, while some compel me to rise and be my own hero. Some left me alone, and some stuck on, no matter what.

A few are precious gifts of generosity in my life that make me revel in the richness of the relationship. Some are my 24/7 laugh line and sunshine. And some who forced me to create my own sunshine as I wiped tears.

Found a bunch of names who have broken me. Found some more who are still building me. Some made me feel I should have no friends, while others stood out because they taught me to be friends. Some who know my love, laughter and tantrums. Some see the pain behind a smile and understand the join in my tears. With some, I need to bring nothing but myself to the table. And yet others who turn the table always to their gain. Some that made life wonderful, and those that made me wonder about life.

I smiled at the phrase “friends forever”. Perhaps it has a deeper meaning. Maybe it means whether they stay or walk away, they still leave an indelible mark on your life. They remain a part of your life forever.

Thank you, friends! For all, you did for me. It all added to make me "ME".

HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY - to friends of yesterday, today and tomorrow. 

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Is Adaptability the New Normal? : 3 min read

With the likelihood of most of the pandemic being over, we have returned to work with mixed feelings. While some prefer remaining online, others are eager to be in the office. And yet others want a bit of both.

Millions of people lost their jobs as the world hit pause. Returning to the workplace is imperative for many, or else they starve. Staying home was a blessing for many who juggle multiple responsibilities; opening up restarts their strain. What have we learned as the world grapples with combining the new and the old?

Five thoughts to ponder upon while reframing our approach in a post-pandemic world.

1.   New Beginning

The new age in the workplace will bring long overdue changes. The pandemic showed us that flexibility is the key everywhere. And we must recalibrate. Whether we work in offices, at home, or take a hybrid approach, healthier workplaces are here to stay. Our environs need to change was the loudest message of this pandemic. The learnings must help us develop adaptable habits. Enabling us to find resolutions and challenge our thinking.

We can begin by re-examining the inflexibility of processes. COVID-19 proved that meetings might have been an email. Or even a video call in loungewear! Flexi hours and methods work just as well. And for all this, the workplace ecosystem needs restoration.

2.  Working together

We need to work as a whole. An employee’s work identity is one part of their life experiences. Our lives continue beyond work. So, we must focus on holistic strategies and systems. Introduce practices that are both adjustable and comprehensive. We have seen some good examples of this during the pandemic. Organisations appreciated the stress experienced by employees and acknowledged their lives beyond work.

3.  Well-being

Our role in this new normal is to build safer spaces for one another. Our mutual well-being is crucial, and we must strive toward collective betterment. We must prioritise bringing our whole selves to work without fear of judgment. We must continue accommodating the health and well-being of all. The practice gained prominence during the pandemic.

 

4.  Unbiased experiences

We all are responsible for creating equal opportunities and experiences in the workplace. While technology provides vital access, leaders need to go beyond. True equality comes when our environment generates the same results for different individuals. It must be irrespective of levels, backgrounds, biases, and social status. We must win together.

5.  Eye for detail

We may have access to information but lack the vision of valuing impalpable assets. We treasure what we measure. Some areas to rethink may be recognizing talent, appreciating skills, and acknowledging intellect.

A way forward could be creating multidimensional teams and reconsidering abilities.

 

There are many disadvantages of being indoors. But the fluidity of WFH gave us extra time and flexibility. We scheduled activities that foster health and happiness. Missing out on personal interactions and peppy offsites was definitely a downside.

A blend of work and play creates happy people and happier workplaces. After all, studies say cheerful people are more productive!

          

When done right, adaptability creates positive results in every environment.

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Dealing with Anxiety-My Learning's : 4 min read

Unfavourable circumstances, missteps, inexperience and unawareness about available help led me to suffer for over a decade.

At the age of thirty-eight began for me what would be a struggle of over a decade. Some unfortunate circumstances and my inexperience united to unleash their fury on me. The intimidations grew out of proportion culminating in the onset of panic attacks.

One night fear overwhelmed me and I woke up in an ICCU bed. I’d never experienced such fright. Blame and slander created a deep and all-encompassing feeling of shame. That night began a period of insomnia, depression, and general health issues. It amplified the anxiety.

I tried coping on my own. I did not understand nor had the courage to ask for help. I suffered needlessly for over ten years. I needed medical help when my health began deteriorating. Looking back, I have identified my own missteps. And it was when I overcame them that I started making progress.

Here are some things I would do differently today.

1. Fearlessness: Look fear in the eye. Nothing should interrupt your peace[1]. In trauma-induced anxiety, face every situation with confidence. Each time you feel overwhelmed, study the pattern and regain your power by confronting it.

2. Resistance: A natural response forcing one to dwell on a situation[2]. We focus all our attention on feeling inadequate and wait for relief. Trying to “manage” often leads to unwanted stress. After a lot of struggle, I realised this position did not help. So I revisited my assumptions and reached for help[3].

3. Feeling hopeless: We start having extreme negative thoughts. We begin to see conspiracy and catastrophise[4]. This stops us from thinking right. Our fears and feelings end up constituting the main part of our condition.

4. Is it only in the mind?: This one piece of advice will be rampant. I wouldn't say I liked hearing it and opposed every such suggestion[5]. While anxiety may not be all in your mind[6],

please pay attention to what plays in a loop in your mind. For me, medication took care of the physiological aspects. I tried staying positive and prayed. But even my strong faith faltered making me feel unworthy and imperfect. I began reading and listening to podcasts that combined science and faith. I took up academics, streamlined my life with gainful activities and took professional help[7].

5. Regret: “Everything was good before! I wish I could go back!” These constant thoughts bring nothing but harm. Dwelling in the past and planning too much ahead makes it harder[8]. So, live in the moment and take small steps to achieve this. The rule of 1% is an interesting concept to inculcate[9].

6. Repetitive Thoughts: When anxiety gets triggered, people often deliberate. They experience uncontrollable repetitive thoughts. Rumination[10] can become depressive. Engaging your brain in something else helps to disrupt rumination. Studies show how even a short positive distraction can help disrupt it. I began small tangibly productive projects. Recycling waste, indoor plants and caring for strays to name a few.

7. Retain your power: Observe and identify when to pick your battle. Pause, get silent, and recognise your trigger. With practice, you will be able to find silence in the presence of your torment. You may need initial breaks from people or situations to stay calm. Temporary detachment helps. When the mind quietens ask yourself pertinent questions about your own actions. What could you do better? What could be avoided? Process the feeling and move. But, do remember to return to the people and situations soon. Sometimes breaks can lead to the point of no return.

8. Go deeper: Ask yourself what is true and what isn’t. Put yourself in the other person’s perspective. And imagine that they may have a different story running in their mind. Get out of your self-focused perspective and open up to the other individual. Remember not to turn into the very thing you are disapproving of. Go a little further and be grateful for the opportunity to learn. Take inspired actions and focus your energies on being productive. Change your stress from distress to eustress[11].

Our actions can burden us till long after the dust has settled. We replay and reflect on what we could do differently. Rather than dwelling on them, set aside time to review the information gathered. If you still want to process the feelings, do so in a structured way. Mistakes do not define us. The fact that we paused over them, says that we wish to become a better version of ourselves.

Let us embrace this spirit. Remember self-improvement is a continuous process with room to get better always.

PS-The thoughts shared above are my personal views from what I experienced. Please read, research and consult a professional before you step out to help yourself. 

Images are sourced from Google and are subject to copyright.

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[1] https://www.selfimprovementdailytips.com/podcast/do-not-let-the-behavior-of-others-destroy-your-inner-peace

[2] https://www.stressresilientmind.co.uk/articles/how-resistance-avoidance-tension-show-up-in-stress-anxiety

[3] Medical doctors, Pastors, Psychologists, family and friends

[4] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/catastrophizing

[5] https://hbr.org/2020/05/leading-through-anxiety

[6] https://conscious.is/blogs/the-cognitive-emotive-loop-what-it-is-why-it-keeps-you-stuck-and-how-to-break-free

[7] https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/medicine-and-dentistry/coping-strategies

[8] https://activechristianity.org/forget-the-past-12-bible-verses-about-moving-on#:~:text=%E2%80%9CDo%20not%20remember%20the%20former,Isaiah%2043%3A18%2D19

[9] James Clear, Atomic Habits, Chapter 1, Pg 16

[10] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/overcoming-self-sabotage/201002/rumination-problem-solving-gone-wrong

[11] https://www.choosingtherapy.com/eustress-vs-distress/

A Survivor's Guide for helping someone with Anxiety : 3 min read

When I was grappling with anxiety, family and friends rallied around me. Their contributions remain unmatched and I am grateful. Having said so, I also admit that their concern, advice, and reprimands often overwhelmed me. So why am I contradicting myself?  

Our traumatic experiences alone do not make us feel dismissed. Insinuations of it being our fault heighten the feeling. The slighting of our pain in a world repeating these cycles results in grief and resentment. They are the toughest to release during healing. While grief makes it difficult to forget, anger has negative overtones and is hard to express. Yet, both can move from hurt to harmony when processed with dignity.

If you have a loved one or know someone who needs help, do consider the following before you begin to help:

Recognise the condition

Understand that your loved one has a situation that requires help. Often even medication. But, unlike physical pain, sufferers usually deny they need help. Seek the guidance of a professional.

Unconditional Love

The fear of becoming unlovable is debilitating. Love the most when they seem unlovable. Believe their struggle is real. Reassurance that the situation does not change your opinion of them builds confidence. Value their resolve and grit. Agree that they have the right to feel upset but cannot hurt others in retaliation.

Be an Example

Human tendency is to emulate the views, actions, and mindsets around. So, we must display a lifestyle we hope will get chosen above others. Be an example. Prove that the path you are suggesting is trustworthy.

Resist Criticism

Listen without giving an opinion. Nobody likes directions. And even lesser when someone points out that they are incorrect or inadequate. Restrain the urge to correct every time. Though, you need not pretend to approve of everything, limit voicing disagreement. Always offer to stand-in. A simple I am here, or I am listening if you are ready to talk is miraculous.

Anxiety is not only about the mind. A person may have health issues triggered by the trauma. Ranging from brain fog, palpitations IBS and many others. Resist the temptation to say, “It could be worse”. Be gentle, this isn’t a competition of who had it worse. Avoid counting days and reminding them that they should get over it. Each person's healing process is unique.

Speak

If you are eager to help, speak up. We often stumble by either saying too much or too less. Staying quiet conveys nothing to your loved one. Rehearse before you speak and appreciate that people seldom change their minds immediately. Expect conflict, knowing it isn’t a failed conversation. Allow their space but never abandon them when they are being difficult. Boundaries are best set at a neutral time and ground. Stay sensitive to their ramblings and notice their quiet times. Apologise and forgive – arguments are bound to happen.

Be Patient

Mental trauma is cruel and resultant anxiety can be exhausting. A person feels scared, sad, and lonely and sometimes may not even sense their problem. They may break down and cry while feeling anxious and alright at the same time. The high and low moods can be very tiring for people around them. Don’t react harshly.

Say a Prayer

It works! Fervent prayer for your loved one is the last but not the least you could do. Try it.

Transformation is a delayed and difficult process; healing takes time. And recovery from trauma could need a while; so be generous. No one can evolve overnight. Instead, watch for subtle indications of change. Like new ways of expression or a willingness to approach almost forbidden topics. 

Encourage them, knowing that these little things will make all the difference in the road to recovery. 

Stay with me as I share next week the learning's from my mistakes and how I could help myself.

PS-The thoughts shared above are my personal views from what I experienced. Please read, research and consult a professional before you embark on helping someone. 

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