A Survivor's Guide for helping someone with Anxiety : 3 min read

When I was grappling with anxiety, family and friends rallied around me. Their contributions remain unmatched and I am grateful. Having said so, I also admit that their concern, advice, and reprimands often overwhelmed me. So why am I contradicting myself?  

Our traumatic experiences alone do not make us feel dismissed. Insinuations of it being our fault heighten the feeling. The slighting of our pain in a world repeating these cycles results in grief and resentment. They are the toughest to release during healing. While grief makes it difficult to forget, anger has negative overtones and is hard to express. Yet, both can move from hurt to harmony when processed with dignity.

If you have a loved one or know someone who needs help, do consider the following before you begin to help:

Recognise the condition

Understand that your loved one has a situation that requires help. Often even medication. But, unlike physical pain, sufferers usually deny they need help. Seek the guidance of a professional.

Unconditional Love

The fear of becoming unlovable is debilitating. Love the most when they seem unlovable. Believe their struggle is real. Reassurance that the situation does not change your opinion of them builds confidence. Value their resolve and grit. Agree that they have the right to feel upset but cannot hurt others in retaliation.

Be an Example

Human tendency is to emulate the views, actions, and mindsets around. So, we must display a lifestyle we hope will get chosen above others. Be an example. Prove that the path you are suggesting is trustworthy.

Resist Criticism

Listen without giving an opinion. Nobody likes directions. And even lesser when someone points out that they are incorrect or inadequate. Restrain the urge to correct every time. Though, you need not pretend to approve of everything, limit voicing disagreement. Always offer to stand-in. A simple I am here, or I am listening if you are ready to talk is miraculous.

Anxiety is not only about the mind. A person may have health issues triggered by the trauma. Ranging from brain fog, palpitations IBS and many others. Resist the temptation to say, “It could be worse”. Be gentle, this isn’t a competition of who had it worse. Avoid counting days and reminding them that they should get over it. Each person's healing process is unique.

Speak

If you are eager to help, speak up. We often stumble by either saying too much or too less. Staying quiet conveys nothing to your loved one. Rehearse before you speak and appreciate that people seldom change their minds immediately. Expect conflict, knowing it isn’t a failed conversation. Allow their space but never abandon them when they are being difficult. Boundaries are best set at a neutral time and ground. Stay sensitive to their ramblings and notice their quiet times. Apologise and forgive – arguments are bound to happen.

Be Patient

Mental trauma is cruel and resultant anxiety can be exhausting. A person feels scared, sad, and lonely and sometimes may not even sense their problem. They may break down and cry while feeling anxious and alright at the same time. The high and low moods can be very tiring for people around them. Don’t react harshly.

Say a Prayer

It works! Fervent prayer for your loved one is the last but not the least you could do. Try it.

Transformation is a delayed and difficult process; healing takes time. And recovery from trauma could need a while; so be generous. No one can evolve overnight. Instead, watch for subtle indications of change. Like new ways of expression or a willingness to approach almost forbidden topics. 

Encourage them, knowing that these little things will make all the difference in the road to recovery. 

Stay with me as I share next week the learning's from my mistakes and how I could help myself.

PS-The thoughts shared above are my personal views from what I experienced. Please read, research and consult a professional before you embark on helping someone. 

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