Disabling Ableism - 1 min read

 "What went wrong with you?”

And that is how strangers often start a conversation with me. How do I usually respond? With a broad smile and “It’s a long story.”

There is a type of discrimination that goes unnoticed – ableism. Though I vaguely recognized the term I never paid attention to its meaning. It is a bias – a presumption, and discrimination towards people living with disabilities. It suggests that “typical abilities” are superior and marginalize individuals with disabilities; limiting access to certain rights and basic human needs.

 Ableism is often overlooked and goes unchallenged because of its deep-rootedness. These days it may not appear in regular conversations or actions but surfaces with subtle messages of “no way, do not include”, “don’t mind, but not you”; and “stay in the background please, the stage is not yours”. 

 

When we unpack the word “disability” it immediately brings to mind people with noticeable

physical conditions. It is a condition that causes difficulty for a person to do certain activities or have equitable access in society. The sentiment that the disabled deserve pity but need not be seen or heard makes disability a bad thing. It is something to be set right for someone to be acceptable.

 

As a child, people stared at me as though I was an alien. Some pitied me while others had grave concerns about my future. A harmless jibe, often unintentional, that dismisses someone with a disability is an obvious form of ableism. Insensitive and unkind, ableism begins with the failure to acknowledge that the disabled exist regardless of their condition.

 

Here are the kinds of ableism I have experienced. The list is not exhaustive, but it captures the basics.

 

1. I was conditioned to believe that people with disabilities have less value and worth

 

2. While a cure or relief from pain would have been awesome, constantly assuming that I need to be “healed” or “can overcome” was and is unnecessary.

 

3. Suggesting that I am “inspirational” for handling routine activities and daily tasks.

 

4. Speculating about my “limited” life and presuming I can’t do much.

 

5. Suggesting that I am “less normal” and “less healthy”!!

 

6. Being asked extremely "intrusive questions" about my personal life.

 

7. Letting my crooked foot decide my "professional competence."

 

Some of us need adjustments and accommodation in everyday life; but here’s something to consider- if wearing glasses, braces, and even false eyelashes is deemed acceptable; normalize funny shoes and hearing aids. 

 

For most of us living with a disability, the challenge itself has far fewer consequences on the quality of our lives than all the discrimination we face. Pitying and making assumptions about our lives and abilities won’t help. Challenging the assumptions can help us replace them with inclusivity, acceptance, and respect.

 

So recognize that people with disabilities are, in fact, people — equal to nondisabled people in every way and worthy of the same respect. This makes a good first step toward preventing ableism. It may sound too basic but the main factor driving ableism is the thought that people with disabilities are somehow “less.”

 

Although ableism is woven into the fabric of society, it’s possible to mend the pattern and create a more inclusive future. Ableism must be ended by calling it out just like other forms of discrimination. Voice your concerns and challenge them instead of merely trying to fix the disabled.

 Images are sourced from Google and are subject to copyright.

Tugging the World Around : 1 min read

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle once said: “The little things are infinitely the most important.”

A significant advantage of travel is experiencing books come alive. On our trip to Lakshwadeep in 2018, I witnessed the strength of Tugboats that I had only read about.

Tugboats1 are small boats designed to guide large ships and manoeuvre them towards the port by pulling and pushing the vessels in position.2 Their double-powered engines create huge torque to run the propellers and generate massive pulling power. 

Large ships can sail in deep waters but struggle in the shallow, unable to stop, slow down or turn as the water is insufficient to facilitate quick movement of the rudders. 

At this point the tugboat, small, potent and just enough swirls into action, powerfully taking control.

Often many of us may feel like the small tugboat; always pushing or pulling a greater cause.

What crosses our minds in those times? Do we feel unworthy or not enough? 

Away from the depths of the sea, saturated in shallow waters, are we tugboats?

Tugboats may look unassuming but are confident of their assignment. While ships set sail into the high seas, remember the tugboats wait their turn to manoeuvre them into their designated berths at ports. Without them, the ships cannot anchor, break the momentum, or move out from the shallow.

The insignificant is often the most impactful in moving the world around.

 

Unlearning to Relearn! - 2 min read

Unlearning can be a powerful tool for transformation and growth!

Often we cling to the same thoughts and beliefs that create our habits; even when they no longer serve our purposes. Unlearning is the process of letting go of such practices.  As we unlearn, we begin to discard our past ways to discover new paths. A heightened sense of awareness allows us to recognize when we’re stuck and propels us forward.

 Here are 7 unlearning I have embraced:

1.         Perfectionism is overrated

There are many things we may like doing but lack expertise in. Similarly, I enjoy embroidery but someone commented - “hardly looks like embroidery". I stopped immediately till I began missing it. I resumed when I realised enjoying the process was more important than achieving excellence.

 2.          Negative self-talk

In an environment of perpetual “you can’t”, and “you should not”, it was easy to talk myself into being in my comfort zone. I lost opportunities and settled for a lot lesser than I deserved. Good friends, family and mentors helped me come out of this shell to hush those voices.

At almost 50 I have taken up academics on two platforms to equip myself for being gainfully engaged post-retirement. Today I am confident in saying – “yes, I can; why not?”

 3.          Unhealthy attachments

Diverse people and environments fascinate me and I build connections easily. This got me attached to a variety of individuals. While some of these exchanges have created beautiful associations; others have drained me emotionally and a few brought much pain.

I unlearnt the need to continue with such associations and accepted the need to detach from such interactions. I have set boundaries that keep me happy and healthy.

 4.        Constant busyness

In our fast-paced world, we are often caught by constant productivity. I found taking breaks to replenish and recharge was acceptable. I don’t need to perform continuously.  An idle mind can be the devil's workshop or it can be the cradle of creativity. The choice is mine.

 5.         Forget the crowd

FOMO is passé; try JOMO – the joy of missing out. Most people, who follow the crowd, don't know what they are doing; you don’t have to add to the number.

6.          Beyond the Popularity game

I have found myself gasping at the “popularity trap”. The perceived lack of which underestimates a truly trustworthy and constant approach. I choose the latter and would rather remain reliable than be captured by short-lived admiration.

7.         Always Happy is a myth

           Once in a while, it is alright to be sad. It allows us to savour our joys. 

While happiness depends on our feelings, joy comes from within. If we are always happy, we might miss opportunities to improve ourselves or engage in some of the most meaningful endeavours of our lives.

Unlearning increases our flexibility and resilience; enabling us to better handle life’s challenges. The process simply nudges us to throw away our security blankets and feel the warmth of a different kind.

Happily unlearning to relearn!! 

 

Growing with Gratitude - 2 min read

“A grateful heart sees each day as a gift. Thankful people focus less on what they lack and more on the privileges they have.”1

What makes gratitude difficult? Is it the paucity of abundance? Is it materialism, envy, or an innate trait?

The words of Henry Ward Beecher echoed strongly. “A proud man is seldom a grateful man, for he never thinks he gets as much as he deserves.” Pride supersedes self-centeredness, selfishness, and greed; breeding ingratitude. Often our need for admiration and approval stops us from being grateful.

A key lesson in my journey with PTSD has been gratitude. Gratitude impacts mental health by improving depression, anxiety, phobia, trauma, and stress. It can eliminate substance dependence and abuse. I have found the renewed meaning of “thankfulness” and simpler ways to be grateful.

Beauty around me

I am more conscious of the tiny moments in life. A wildflower, the first sunrays, the morning tea made by my hubby, or a dog playing on the pavement. They are all beautiful reminders of a blessed life.

Building relationships

During our morning walks, people often smile at our puppy. We smile back and strike up a conversation. This has helped me find smiling faces everywhere.

Inspiring content

I start and end my days by hearing sermons, hymns and motivational talks. Watching good content opens my mind to positive ideas. Pursuing the good in the world inspires me to add to it.

An act of kindness each day

You can find different things to do or the same daily activity. Caring for our local stray dogs with my entire family gives me joy.

Give

An easy way to experience gratitude is to give. If helping with your finances is difficult, volunteer for organisations that help others. Raise awareness for a cause, mobilise fundraisers; the list is unending. But DO something. And while selecting what to do, choose people who cannot return your deed.

Thank people 

Thank the people who serve you in the community, not just your friends or loved ones. Thank even the people who give you a hard time. They provide priceless lessons!!

Embrace challenges

Instead of seeing roadblocks turn them into opportunities to grow. You can choose between “my bad luck” and “blessing in disguise”. Be thankful for the lesson. During bad times learn from people who stay by your side. And when your time gets better, help people in need. Finding growth opportunities in my mistakes has helped me learn. Which in turn encourages me to help others.

Collect your gratitude

While every day is to be grateful for, there are specific things I want to remember. A box of tiny notes at my work desk is collecting those instances.  Sometimes I also share gratitude through blogs on social media. You never know whom you bless and influence.

Pray

Prayer is a “solemn request for help or expression of thanks addressed to God or another deity”. With the current worldviews, I am cautious and conscious of advocating "religiosity". Yet, I want to stress on the “posture” of prayer according to its meaning. When we pray to anyone higher or greater- we come in humility. And humility is a strong teacher of thankfulness.

The practice of gratitude can give us something we all want - a better world!

Let's begin today.

---

[1] https://faithgateway.com/blogs/christian-books/attitude-gratitude/

 

Spike : Leading by Example - 1 min read

It is incredible how much I am learning each day with my pup. And it is not limited to dogs but the interconnections with life in general.

We all enjoy our living space at home, which has been the biggest casualty. Dogs, choose your favourite spot and even become your shadow. Occasionally following you to the restroom and beyond. I am privileged to have the most patient audience for my residual vocal aspirations! Though I pity his ears as they curiously perk up when I hit a high note! Pet parents forget all the corners they had to themselves. Strangely the sacrifice surrounds you with a warmth that is impossible to define.

Dog behaviourists discourage owners from letting them become possessive. I agree. And I have taught Spike likewise. But, I also marvel at his persuasiveness and persistence. A dog has an IQ equal to a human toddler. But they can navigate situations way better than humans. When the bark and jump do not scare us, he will immediately expose his belly in surrender. Even with his brain-to-body ratio of 1:125, he understands better that love conquers all.

Research confirms that dogs experience basic emotions. But they don’t have and will never develop complex ones. Gratitude and guilt belong to the second group. Yet the wagging tail and apologetic bow seem sincerer than words. And those glistening eyes and broad smiles? They are the best expressions of gratefulness I have ever seen.

Spike has taught me the meaning of the phrase be here now. From nervousness before a bath to chasing flies right after he is done, Spike lives every moment. His focus on what happens around him is much lesser than what he puts his mind and energy to. Having mastered carpe diem, he never stays on the periphery of life but lives to the fullest.

Have you ever felt edgy and restless? Well, a dog could teach you a lesson or two. We may find them to be fidgety little beings. But try taking his eyes off his favourite ball or the tastiest treat - you will know patience is the mother of all virtues.

Each time I see this little boy, I am reminded of the idiom, like a dog with two tails. Spike is a happy, curious, and energetic baby. He is a delight at day end and the most difficult to leave behind each morning.

Spike has become an inseparable part of our family. He is our most precious child, a sibling and indeed our best friend. His faithful and loving ways have snuggled deep into our hearts and we can’t live without him.

With his own special Pizza-courtesy Steph

Freedom - As I aspire it to be! - 1 min read

What is freedom? In short 'to act as one pleases'. So what is seventy-five years of freedom to me? Is it a few rights and privileges or the mere choice of action and liberation?

To me, freedom is a privilege and an opportunity to be the best version of me.

A true sense of freedom is my approach to the sentiment rather than the state of my being. It is an assertion of the within as much as of my surroundings. It is the means to conquer the elements of oppression and not my plea to be freed.

To me, freedom is not my ability to break the shackles and barriers but to be able to accept obligatory bindings. It is to understand that the absence of freedom is not oppression. And that not all freedom is liberating.

The word freedom sets my mind soaring. Its visions take shape to create a medley of meaningful melodies. It is to have beliefs that I can ideate and reach fruition. It is to be able to etch a sparkling mosaic of dreams to its destination. It is myriad thoughts that speak to me, ones that I can allow you to read.

Freedom is when my speech is not a sheer statement, empty or bereft of conviction. It is when I articulate to support and uplift. When I whisper judgement yet bellow admiration. Freedom is when my words heal instead of cutting deep. It is the grace to accept defeat or reject victory. Freedom is the knowledge of truth despite the challenge of legitimacy.

Freedom is not allowing me to select my God but to get chosen despite my preference. It is not permission to be different but acceptance irrespective of the diversity. I am free not because I can force the world to have my way but to be able to urge the world to respect the way I am. It is not strength to mould but power to create. Freedom is the generosity to release my claim in exchange for genuine longing.

Freedom is my decision to be rather than what I am sanctioned to be.

#india75years

The image of the flag is sourced from Google and is subject to copyright.

Spike - The Family Goofball - 2 min read

"Opening up your life to a dog who needs a home is one of the most fulfilling things you can do."

 

Spike is not a dog, especially for my daughter. He is her brother, period. And for me, a baby who will never grow up!

His little paws and their endless mischief drive us crazy. Almost every night, torn shopping bags to wet wipes, fly across our home. Sometimes he dances with the wastepaper basket and prances away with our clothes. As a baby, he gnawed at my feet, and his tiny teeth marks adorn the sofa. Yet, a moment of his discomfort unsettles my peace. When he stops eating, I lose my appetite.

  As a Pet Parent Spike has taught me some vital lessons:

1.     To “love like no other” all over again. For his biscuits to meals, he holds me with his twinkling eyes. He’s the little heartbeat at my feet. Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job they say. Whether he is running away from food or his “oiyta” (imaginary terror) Spike can get ready for a scratchie instantly.

2.     If you hit the snooze button and dodge exercise; if you advocate method in the madness, you must get a dog. He will teach you “orderliness and discipline.” It could either be by demanding the same routine or by reminding you that a Gucci bag is equal to his dehydrated pig ear. Thankfully labels are nonexistent at home and the most expensive damage has been a Macbook charger.

 

3.     It’s all about “less is more”, and simple waterlog sticks. Dogs have very less need for expensive things. An empty packaged water bottle or a sock is a treasure. Spike loves plastic in any form. Is it for the sound or because it’s prohibited? Forbidden things entice man and dog alike!

 

4.     You heard it, K-I-S-S! Lots of wet kisses when we shower praises. A hint to “keep it short silly”. Dogs love their own fluff and not our fluffy conversations.

Love, discipline, minimalism and brevity. A new meaning in life. Sounds like Frankl’s logotherapy?

It’s DoggoTherapy!

Part 3 - coming soon