Spike - The Family Goofball - 2 min read

"Opening up your life to a dog who needs a home is one of the most fulfilling things you can do."

 

Spike is not a dog, especially for my daughter. He is her brother, period. And for me, a baby who will never grow up!

His little paws and their endless mischief drive us crazy. Almost every night, torn shopping bags to wet wipes, fly across our home. Sometimes he dances with the wastepaper basket and prances away with our clothes. As a baby, he gnawed at my feet, and his tiny teeth marks adorn the sofa. Yet, a moment of his discomfort unsettles my peace. When he stops eating, I lose my appetite.

  As a Pet Parent Spike has taught me some vital lessons:

1.     To “love like no other” all over again. For his biscuits to meals, he holds me with his twinkling eyes. He’s the little heartbeat at my feet. Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job they say. Whether he is running away from food or his “oiyta” (imaginary terror) Spike can get ready for a scratchie instantly.

2.     If you hit the snooze button and dodge exercise; if you advocate method in the madness, you must get a dog. He will teach you “orderliness and discipline.” It could either be by demanding the same routine or by reminding you that a Gucci bag is equal to his dehydrated pig ear. Thankfully labels are nonexistent at home and the most expensive damage has been a Macbook charger.

 

3.     It’s all about “less is more”, and simple waterlog sticks. Dogs have very less need for expensive things. An empty packaged water bottle or a sock is a treasure. Spike loves plastic in any form. Is it for the sound or because it’s prohibited? Forbidden things entice man and dog alike!

 

4.     You heard it, K-I-S-S! Lots of wet kisses when we shower praises. A hint to “keep it short silly”. Dogs love their own fluff and not our fluffy conversations.

Love, discipline, minimalism and brevity. A new meaning in life. Sounds like Frankl’s logotherapy?

It’s DoggoTherapy!

Part 3 - coming soon

HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY : 2 min read

So, Friendship Day it is. Some say it's silly, some label it frivolous, and others find it unnecessary. Yet, I spent time sending these unnecessary wishes.

I chose a few run-of-the-mill broadcasts. Then I stopped at names who deserved more. And looked for customised individual thoughts. I found some on my list who don't exist in my life anymore; they moved on. Some names appear in the summers of life but run at the slightest roar of thunder. I found ones resembling a burst of spring and some dreary as autumn. Some who always remained like a rock and some who shook the very rock I stood upon. Some are my heroes, while some compel me to rise and be my own hero. Some left me alone, and some stuck on, no matter what.

A few are precious gifts of generosity in my life that make me revel in the richness of the relationship. Some are my 24/7 laugh line and sunshine. And some who forced me to create my own sunshine as I wiped tears.

Found a bunch of names who have broken me. Found some more who are still building me. Some made me feel I should have no friends, while others stood out because they taught me to be friends. Some who know my love, laughter and tantrums. Some see the pain behind a smile and understand the join in my tears. With some, I need to bring nothing but myself to the table. And yet others who turn the table always to their gain. Some that made life wonderful, and those that made me wonder about life.

I smiled at the phrase “friends forever”. Perhaps it has a deeper meaning. Maybe it means whether they stay or walk away, they still leave an indelible mark on your life. They remain a part of your life forever.

Thank you, friends! For all, you did for me. It all added to make me "ME".

HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY - to friends of yesterday, today and tomorrow. 

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Is Adaptability the New Normal? : 3 min read

With the likelihood of most of the pandemic being over, we have returned to work with mixed feelings. While some prefer remaining online, others are eager to be in the office. And yet others want a bit of both.

Millions of people lost their jobs as the world hit pause. Returning to the workplace is imperative for many, or else they starve. Staying home was a blessing for many who juggle multiple responsibilities; opening up restarts their strain. What have we learned as the world grapples with combining the new and the old?

Five thoughts to ponder upon while reframing our approach in a post-pandemic world.

1.   New Beginning

The new age in the workplace will bring long overdue changes. The pandemic showed us that flexibility is the key everywhere. And we must recalibrate. Whether we work in offices, at home, or take a hybrid approach, healthier workplaces are here to stay. Our environs need to change was the loudest message of this pandemic. The learnings must help us develop adaptable habits. Enabling us to find resolutions and challenge our thinking.

We can begin by re-examining the inflexibility of processes. COVID-19 proved that meetings might have been an email. Or even a video call in loungewear! Flexi hours and methods work just as well. And for all this, the workplace ecosystem needs restoration.

2.  Working together

We need to work as a whole. An employee’s work identity is one part of their life experiences. Our lives continue beyond work. So, we must focus on holistic strategies and systems. Introduce practices that are both adjustable and comprehensive. We have seen some good examples of this during the pandemic. Organisations appreciated the stress experienced by employees and acknowledged their lives beyond work.

3.  Well-being

Our role in this new normal is to build safer spaces for one another. Our mutual well-being is crucial, and we must strive toward collective betterment. We must prioritise bringing our whole selves to work without fear of judgment. We must continue accommodating the health and well-being of all. The practice gained prominence during the pandemic.

 

4.  Unbiased experiences

We all are responsible for creating equal opportunities and experiences in the workplace. While technology provides vital access, leaders need to go beyond. True equality comes when our environment generates the same results for different individuals. It must be irrespective of levels, backgrounds, biases, and social status. We must win together.

5.  Eye for detail

We may have access to information but lack the vision of valuing impalpable assets. We treasure what we measure. Some areas to rethink may be recognizing talent, appreciating skills, and acknowledging intellect.

A way forward could be creating multidimensional teams and reconsidering abilities.

 

There are many disadvantages of being indoors. But the fluidity of WFH gave us extra time and flexibility. We scheduled activities that foster health and happiness. Missing out on personal interactions and peppy offsites was definitely a downside.

A blend of work and play creates happy people and happier workplaces. After all, studies say cheerful people are more productive!

          

When done right, adaptability creates positive results in every environment.

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Dealing with Anxiety-My Learning's : 4 min read

Unfavourable circumstances, missteps, inexperience and unawareness about available help led me to suffer for over a decade.

At the age of thirty-eight began for me what would be a struggle of over a decade. Some unfortunate circumstances and my inexperience united to unleash their fury on me. The intimidations grew out of proportion culminating in the onset of panic attacks.

One night fear overwhelmed me and I woke up in an ICCU bed. I’d never experienced such fright. Blame and slander created a deep and all-encompassing feeling of shame. That night began a period of insomnia, depression, and general health issues. It amplified the anxiety.

I tried coping on my own. I did not understand nor had the courage to ask for help. I suffered needlessly for over ten years. I needed medical help when my health began deteriorating. Looking back, I have identified my own missteps. And it was when I overcame them that I started making progress.

Here are some things I would do differently today.

1. Fearlessness: Look fear in the eye. Nothing should interrupt your peace[1]. In trauma-induced anxiety, face every situation with confidence. Each time you feel overwhelmed, study the pattern and regain your power by confronting it.

2. Resistance: A natural response forcing one to dwell on a situation[2]. We focus all our attention on feeling inadequate and wait for relief. Trying to “manage” often leads to unwanted stress. After a lot of struggle, I realised this position did not help. So I revisited my assumptions and reached for help[3].

3. Feeling hopeless: We start having extreme negative thoughts. We begin to see conspiracy and catastrophise[4]. This stops us from thinking right. Our fears and feelings end up constituting the main part of our condition.

4. Is it only in the mind?: This one piece of advice will be rampant. I wouldn't say I liked hearing it and opposed every such suggestion[5]. While anxiety may not be all in your mind[6],

please pay attention to what plays in a loop in your mind. For me, medication took care of the physiological aspects. I tried staying positive and prayed. But even my strong faith faltered making me feel unworthy and imperfect. I began reading and listening to podcasts that combined science and faith. I took up academics, streamlined my life with gainful activities and took professional help[7].

5. Regret: “Everything was good before! I wish I could go back!” These constant thoughts bring nothing but harm. Dwelling in the past and planning too much ahead makes it harder[8]. So, live in the moment and take small steps to achieve this. The rule of 1% is an interesting concept to inculcate[9].

6. Repetitive Thoughts: When anxiety gets triggered, people often deliberate. They experience uncontrollable repetitive thoughts. Rumination[10] can become depressive. Engaging your brain in something else helps to disrupt rumination. Studies show how even a short positive distraction can help disrupt it. I began small tangibly productive projects. Recycling waste, indoor plants and caring for strays to name a few.

7. Retain your power: Observe and identify when to pick your battle. Pause, get silent, and recognise your trigger. With practice, you will be able to find silence in the presence of your torment. You may need initial breaks from people or situations to stay calm. Temporary detachment helps. When the mind quietens ask yourself pertinent questions about your own actions. What could you do better? What could be avoided? Process the feeling and move. But, do remember to return to the people and situations soon. Sometimes breaks can lead to the point of no return.

8. Go deeper: Ask yourself what is true and what isn’t. Put yourself in the other person’s perspective. And imagine that they may have a different story running in their mind. Get out of your self-focused perspective and open up to the other individual. Remember not to turn into the very thing you are disapproving of. Go a little further and be grateful for the opportunity to learn. Take inspired actions and focus your energies on being productive. Change your stress from distress to eustress[11].

Our actions can burden us till long after the dust has settled. We replay and reflect on what we could do differently. Rather than dwelling on them, set aside time to review the information gathered. If you still want to process the feelings, do so in a structured way. Mistakes do not define us. The fact that we paused over them, says that we wish to become a better version of ourselves.

Let us embrace this spirit. Remember self-improvement is a continuous process with room to get better always.

PS-The thoughts shared above are my personal views from what I experienced. Please read, research and consult a professional before you step out to help yourself. 

Images are sourced from Google and are subject to copyright.

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[1] https://www.selfimprovementdailytips.com/podcast/do-not-let-the-behavior-of-others-destroy-your-inner-peace

[2] https://www.stressresilientmind.co.uk/articles/how-resistance-avoidance-tension-show-up-in-stress-anxiety

[3] Medical doctors, Pastors, Psychologists, family and friends

[4] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/catastrophizing

[5] https://hbr.org/2020/05/leading-through-anxiety

[6] https://conscious.is/blogs/the-cognitive-emotive-loop-what-it-is-why-it-keeps-you-stuck-and-how-to-break-free

[7] https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/medicine-and-dentistry/coping-strategies

[8] https://activechristianity.org/forget-the-past-12-bible-verses-about-moving-on#:~:text=%E2%80%9CDo%20not%20remember%20the%20former,Isaiah%2043%3A18%2D19

[9] James Clear, Atomic Habits, Chapter 1, Pg 16

[10] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/overcoming-self-sabotage/201002/rumination-problem-solving-gone-wrong

[11] https://www.choosingtherapy.com/eustress-vs-distress/

A Survivor's Guide for helping someone with Anxiety : 3 min read

When I was grappling with anxiety, family and friends rallied around me. Their contributions remain unmatched and I am grateful. Having said so, I also admit that their concern, advice, and reprimands often overwhelmed me. So why am I contradicting myself?  

Our traumatic experiences alone do not make us feel dismissed. Insinuations of it being our fault heighten the feeling. The slighting of our pain in a world repeating these cycles results in grief and resentment. They are the toughest to release during healing. While grief makes it difficult to forget, anger has negative overtones and is hard to express. Yet, both can move from hurt to harmony when processed with dignity.

If you have a loved one or know someone who needs help, do consider the following before you begin to help:

Recognise the condition

Understand that your loved one has a situation that requires help. Often even medication. But, unlike physical pain, sufferers usually deny they need help. Seek the guidance of a professional.

Unconditional Love

The fear of becoming unlovable is debilitating. Love the most when they seem unlovable. Believe their struggle is real. Reassurance that the situation does not change your opinion of them builds confidence. Value their resolve and grit. Agree that they have the right to feel upset but cannot hurt others in retaliation.

Be an Example

Human tendency is to emulate the views, actions, and mindsets around. So, we must display a lifestyle we hope will get chosen above others. Be an example. Prove that the path you are suggesting is trustworthy.

Resist Criticism

Listen without giving an opinion. Nobody likes directions. And even lesser when someone points out that they are incorrect or inadequate. Restrain the urge to correct every time. Though, you need not pretend to approve of everything, limit voicing disagreement. Always offer to stand-in. A simple I am here, or I am listening if you are ready to talk is miraculous.

Anxiety is not only about the mind. A person may have health issues triggered by the trauma. Ranging from brain fog, palpitations IBS and many others. Resist the temptation to say, “It could be worse”. Be gentle, this isn’t a competition of who had it worse. Avoid counting days and reminding them that they should get over it. Each person's healing process is unique.

Speak

If you are eager to help, speak up. We often stumble by either saying too much or too less. Staying quiet conveys nothing to your loved one. Rehearse before you speak and appreciate that people seldom change their minds immediately. Expect conflict, knowing it isn’t a failed conversation. Allow their space but never abandon them when they are being difficult. Boundaries are best set at a neutral time and ground. Stay sensitive to their ramblings and notice their quiet times. Apologise and forgive – arguments are bound to happen.

Be Patient

Mental trauma is cruel and resultant anxiety can be exhausting. A person feels scared, sad, and lonely and sometimes may not even sense their problem. They may break down and cry while feeling anxious and alright at the same time. The high and low moods can be very tiring for people around them. Don’t react harshly.

Say a Prayer

It works! Fervent prayer for your loved one is the last but not the least you could do. Try it.

Transformation is a delayed and difficult process; healing takes time. And recovery from trauma could need a while; so be generous. No one can evolve overnight. Instead, watch for subtle indications of change. Like new ways of expression or a willingness to approach almost forbidden topics. 

Encourage them, knowing that these little things will make all the difference in the road to recovery. 

Stay with me as I share next week the learning's from my mistakes and how I could help myself.

PS-The thoughts shared above are my personal views from what I experienced. Please read, research and consult a professional before you embark on helping someone. 

Images are sourced from Google and are subject to copyright.

As the World has Opened up - Part 2 : 2 min read

        The world feels more fragrant and beautiful than before!

I may sound prosaic and impractical but amidst the air of familiarity lingers a hint of the unusual. We are amenable, tolerant and more inclusive. This challenging time has been a pleasant surprise for me. And it is because I learnt that the significant changes had to be in me. I cannot be the same person having survived a pandemic. Some of the greatest life lessons are learnt during tough times and when we make mistakes. In this episode, I chose to ponder some more.

Home sweet home

Whatever happens outside, make your home pleasant. Build-in comfort, fun and little joys. I say make because the onus is on every individual to create a joyous sanctuary. When we create an ambience for others, it reflects on us!

The children are watching

Yes, they are! And it was an important lesson through this pandemic. As parents, we were unprepared as the challenges rushed like an avalanche. We didn’t know how to act. But, one thing was sure, the children were watching. Our response to adversity impacts our children. It echoes how they cope when life throws them the curveballs. We are their teachers, so we must learn well.

We depend on one another

The success or failure of humanity depends on everyone, irrespective of social hierarchy. We all must do our part in taking care of one another. The term essential workers gained importance during lock-downs. We must never forget the importance of the delivery staff. The truck drivers, factory workers, house helps and one another. When one part of the system breaks down, we all suffer. So we should work for the greater good of this world. The ordinary workforce is often told they can go. We would believe nobody was indispensable. Not anymore! The pandemic taught us a different lesson.

Never about “something”

Oh, the little white lies we keep telling ourselves! The lack of time, our circumstances, the denied opportunities, and constraints. The list goes on with the lament about the things we could do “if only...”

And I admit that my book is still not finalised, I haven’t lost adequate weight or finished the incomplete projects. I am trying to rectify these with a resolve to stop regretting them. Instead, concentrate on my effort. There’s a saying if it’s important to you, you will find the time. So I quit – from making more excuses.

Adaptability is the secret ingredient.

Planning is good, and goals are great. But adaptability is the key to it all. Some plans may get ruined, and many of our goals will be at least delayed and even more likely never realized. So, how do we cope? If you’re adaptable, you will figure it out. And now we know we can. We figured out a lot of “stuff” in the past two years.

Do it now!

If you want something, make it happen. Don’t wait. You never know what tomorrow brings. Post-retirement, a loghouse holiday, paragliding or further studies might not be possible. If you really want them, the time is now! And the best way is to take that first step.

“Someday is not a day of the week.”- Janet Dailey

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As the World has Opened up - Part 1: 2 min read

When Covid introduced an era of WFH1, we became “performers”. There were singers, painters, bloggers and virtual marathoners among us. The privilege secured us from the worry of losing our jobs. We learnt to appreciate every moment, live consciously and use our spare time. We chanced upon an opportunity to pause and re-examine our blueprint of happiness.

Here are a few lessons I am taking into my new normal.

1.  Courage to operate from a point of empathy within my circle of influence. My part-time help lost all her jobs during the lockdown. I made a few small adjustments to help her tide through job loss and inflation.

2.   Remain focussed on the tasks at hand. Often in our day to day living we lose track and meander aimlessly. The last two years taught me to divide my day. In each segment, I try to stay focussed. It helps me complete more and provides a good blend to keep boredom away. And when you are not jaded by something, you are more productive.

3.  Make a difference to a person or cause – at least at comfortably paced intervals! This reminds me of a story about the starfishes and a little boy on the seashore. Sure he would not be able to save all the starfishes by putting them back into the sea. But, he made a difference to the ones he did.2

4. Utililise my potential. Over the years, circumstances and largely for my own lethargy, I have neglected my talents. Overlooked possibilities and shelved many dreams. Regularising my “blog” is an attempt to restore some of them. 

5.  To be a minimalist3 as much as possible. I am generally cautious but the lockdowns brought a different dimension altogether. Rationing was imperative not only for scarcity but for safety. Going out even for essentials had to be curtailed when online shopping was not an option. Apart from clothes, I found my cupboard full of toiletries that I collected from our holidays. I decided to use up everything before buying next. The decision was immensely gratifying.

Are these shifts sustainable? Once the masks and sanitisers make an exit, will conscious living last? Will the next "new normal" be better than the one we have left behind? The answer is more complicated than we think, needing an alteration of our outlook and conduct.

I am willing to try, will you come with me?

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